Recruiting: The Nightmarish Path to a New Employer

I recently signed an offer for a new job. The whole process took me four months of online applications, phone screens, zoom interviews, take home assignments, and the occasional ghosting by a recruiter. I've been rejected three times and each had a different reason for why I was not the right fit for my desired role.

Now, I'm extremely happy about my next step (a weird thing to say about a job at a large corporation) but the frustration of the process to get here is real.

So let's say you want to get a new job in Business Operations or a similar role at a rapidly growing private or public company and you were wondering, what you might have to do to achieve this? I've taken the time to explicitly document each step in the process so you know exactly what is in store for this journey to a new gig.

I. The Resume

I've done a little bit of resume screening in my days and let me tell you, there is hardly a more useless piece of paper that is more emphasized as important in today's society. The invention of the resume seems to be social agreement that the right way to put your best foot forward in a job application is to give everyone a single 8"x11" sheet of paper and hold a competition to see who can exaggerate their accomplishments in the most eloquent and "data dense" manner. This has gotten so bad that there is a side industry of resume writers. Hordes of people who interview professionals and then write their experience down in the way that reflects the best on them.

How is that different from having someone else write your college essay? Not only does no one care about this, its an acceptable way to increase your chances of landing a job, so much so that Linkedin advertises resume writing services!

That is step one on the path to a new job: you are required to generate a single sheet of paper of either exaggeration or pure bullshit to make a good first impression you on a potential employer.

II. The Application

The application portion of the recruiting process is as mysterious as it comes. Applications come in all shapes and sizes and while the Common App equivalent (Apply via Linkedin) is convenient, I have never once seen or heard of someone getting through that channel to even get an interview, let alone an offer. The other formats of job applications range from full on essays to a simple "Why do you want to work here?" None of them seem to work for the applicant and while I haven't done the research, I can't imagine they are too helpful on the recruiter's side either.

My main complaint with this is a question: if no one gets through the online portal when applying, why even bother posting the job there? If the hit rate is less than 1% to get to an interview, then why not seek out a referral only program? Or make the application harder? Or make it more relevant. I don't have the answers to these questions but I do know that thousands of applications head to a black box never to be taken to the next round.

III. The phone screen

Now that you've passed the application stage, you are going to be phone screened by a recruiter who has a general idea of the responsibilities of the role, but probably has never done the job you are applying for, and thus has a much harder time determining if you actually know your shit or if you're just full of shit. These interviews do extremely little to help the candidate understand the exact role and next to nothing about whether they might actually enjoy or desire the job of discussion.

The key to success in this round is to be extremely enthusiastic about whatever the recruiter is pitching and match your experience (and the stories you tell about your experience) to whatever the online job posting reflects

Recruiters are nice people, by in large at least. They are personable, easy to talk to, and much friendlier than I would be after that much time on the phone with strangers. This round however is brutal because the candidate doesn't learn anything, and even if you go on to the next round, there is not a good sense of if you are qualified or what the hiring manager is specifically looking for

Note: some recruiters do a better job of setting you up for success in following rounds than others.

IV. The first round with the Hiring Manager

Now, only after three steps on the path to getting a new job, are you able to actually meet the person you would be working for, and figure out what it is they actually want out of the person they're hiring. This is the first useful step in the process. The candidate learns something about the person they may work for, there is a detailed list of potential responsibilities and you are now evaluated by someone who has at least some knowledge of how to be a good _____ that you are applying to be.

This interview is almost always a behavioral interview about which I have plenty to say.

Behavior interview aside: This to me, stinks of the bullshit found in the resume building process, just in verbal form. The questions are often phrased with the starting clause: "Tell me about a time when ____," which sets you up to exaggerate or flat out lie if you don't have a relevant story prepared or at the top of your mind. That being said, I don't know of a better way to determine if someone is qualified or has experience doing what you want them to do but this still seems so arbitrary as to be ineffective. The way to crush this is to practice, practice, practice. Once you have your work experience easily indexed and referenceable in your head at a moment's notice, you are ready to tackle any behavioral interview.

V. The take home assignment

Ahh yes. You've made it to the stage where you will now do work for free for a company that you don't work for, in hopes that someday you can do similar work for them and get paid for it. These are a nightmare. Most of my friends are going through the recruiting process while also working a full time job, meaning that these take home assignments are now like homework that you get from a school that you don't go to. Sounds fun right? Over the course of my four months trying to find a new job I did four take home assignments. Each with a full stack of analysis and most requiring a deck to pair. One take home looked so laborious that I told the recruiter I was no longer interested in the job because the take home didn't look worth it for the job I was applying for.

The take home experience seems to be consistent for any job that requires technical or design skills. Some jobs will accept a portfolio but by in large, before they hire you they insist that you prove to them that you can do the job, by way of making you do actual work before you're on the payroll. I think there is open opportunity to standardize the take home assignment for specific roles and create a common app for specific roles to ensure that this type of repeated effort is a thing of the past. Sadly, we aren't there yet and many of my friends have given hours and hours to companies with nothing to show for it.

V.(a) The case study

A close cousin of the take home assignment is the dreaded case interview. I remember panicking during college trying to prepare for case interviews at consulting firms by asking friends to quiz me on questions such as "How many nickels are there in Texas?" My dad got a question from McKinsey twenty years ago asking him how many doorknobs there are in Philadelphia. I know that this type of question is supposed to be able to gauge how well you think with incomplete data, but the fact that we live in a society with access to the internet and google, I hope to see these become a thing of the past. A better way to measure competence in this area would be to ask someone to find the answer for a random question on google and have them justify how they know the answer to be legit. Stupid exercise this one but there is an industry of case interview prep to support, and the people selling prep courses need to put food on the table too... I guess.

VI. The panel interview

Congrats! You've made it past the case or take home or combination of the two and you have earned the privilege to join a grueling session of back to back interviews with people from all over the company that you are interested in joining. Sometimes you get to talk to people you'd be working with in this round. Sometimes those people are busy, so you speak to whoever they can get to join the call at the desired time. These types of "Super Days" have a lot of merit. Its a good chance to meet more of the team and get a variety of answers to questions like "Do you actually like working here?" and "Does the company actually follow the list of values on the website? These are draining sessions but valuable for both sides of the process as it gives a great chance to determine mutual fit AND figure out if what the previous interviewers have said holds up with the a larger subset of the employee population.

VII. The offer and subsequent negotiations

You've done it. You have proven yourself worthy of changing the name of the organization that pays your bills and tells you when to be where and doing what. Congrats! Now the company you are hoping to work for will offer the you least amount of money that they think will convince you to join their team. Sometimes a first offer may even seem generous, but really it is their idea of the lowest possible number they could give you for your time and services. Seem skeezy? That's just the name of the game, sweetheart. After going through this process with a few companies, I've learned that you NEVER accept the first offer as they will always go higher, even if they say they can't.

VIII. The reference check

The penultimate step in the process is for the company to make sure that you are the person that you say you are and that you have actually done the things that you say you did. This is a weird thing because most companies don't like their employees actively seeking alternative employment so you have to find one of two people to serve as your references. A) a manager at your current company who cares about you as a person and whose care transcends your current working relationship or B) someone who doesn't work at your current company. Strange game this one but one that must be played. I actually agree with the necessity of the reference check because you could feasibly bullshit your way through an entire interview process if you had the aptitude and the lack of moral fiber. Trust but verify is a good policy in life and one that directly applies to hiring people to work for you.

IX. Acceptance

Much like the last step in the six stages of grief, the final stage of this long process to find a new job is "acceptance." Congratulations, you are now in one of the best places in life: on your way out of a job with another one lined up. This is a special feeling much like getting out of school for summer. You know that one chapter is closed and over and that another one awaits. If you played your cards right you may have finagled some time off and that is truly the most anxiety free time of a yuppie's life.