Give Me All Your Garbage (Time)

What is Garbage Time?

Jerry Seinfeld, when talking about the time that he wants more of from his teenage kids, gave the following quote:

“I’m a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about ‘quality time’ — I always find that a little sad when they say, ‘We have quality time.’ I don’t want quality time. I want the garbage time. That’s what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or [having] a bowl of Cheerios at 11 o’clock at night when they’re not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that’s what I love.”

I don't have kids, thank god, but I think this principle applies to anyone that you want to get to know better and spend time with. I have had some of the best conversations in my life sitting in the car commuting or on road trips or sitting around the dinner table on an everyday Tuesday night. I don't look forward to those experiences as much as the big trips and vacations but when I force myself to think about it, I value those little in-between moments and mundane moments just as much as the trips that I spend months planning and looking forward to. The Jerry Seinfeld quote forced me to think about why I don't intuitively value that time as much as the big stuff, and how I can shift my personal philosophy to appropriately value that "Garbage time."

Why Don't We Naturally Value Garbage Time?

On the surface, the idea that we should be optimizing for garbage time doesn't make a whole ton of sense. We remember the epic vacations more than we remember one of a thousand dinners at home. We look forward to and plan around a big concert, or exciting dinner reservation more so than we anticipate returning to our childhood home for a few days of hanging out during Thanksgiving. Even with our hobbies, we looking forward to that next day of epic conditions (whatever that looks like for you) more than we froth for a middle-of-the-road mid-season day where the conditions are the least memorable they have ever been. This all stands to reason, our memories can't store everything to be readily accessible at any point in time, so they focus on the big stuff. We remember the peaks and valleys more than the everyday trails. That is all fine and good and I'm certainly not suggesting that we forego these epic plans and cease to look forward to big trips, but I think an increased focus on what we do each and every day is long overdue.

Most of Our Lives Are "Average"

In one of my favorite takes on the topic of how to pick a life partner, Tim Urban points out that a real relationship is made up of exponentially more Tuesday dinners than it is epic vacations and wild nights out. He goes on to say that when picking a life partner, it’s important to pick someone you enjoy the mundane with rather than someone with who you enjoy doing things that, realistically, you would enjoy with just about anyone. His advice leads to the idea that the person who makes the after-work traffic jam better, is the one that you may be better off spending your life with.

This advice doesn't only apply to picking who you want to spend your life with but goes onto guide us into how we should be valuing the time we spend with the people we care about, romantic partner or otherwise. The shift in mindset from "I can't wait for that big trip that is coming up in a couple of months" to "I love that I get to spend this time sitting in the car with my friend" is an important one. It allows you to apply a more realistic value to a significantly larger portion of your life. This also helps us focus more on the time that we actually spending living and not taking ourselves out of the present moment, and brings me to my second point about garbage time.

We Live in the "Now", Not the "Then"

Something that I realized early on in my career was how often people my own age or years above me talked about how excited they were for the weekend. They spent the majority of their lives pining for a time in the future as opposed to enjoying the time they had in the present. It didn't take me long to realize that this was not the way that I wanted to spend my life. To wish yourself through your workweek in hopes that the weekend will bring you meaning is like wishing 70% of your life away. This goes for the work week but also for times during the workday. Realizing that all you really have is the present moment, and doing the most to enjoy can you bring you the most happiness in life is a critical mindset to carry with us. Applied to garbage time, this means that we should seek to force ourselves out of looking forward to the future as much as possible and focus on whatever is happening at hand. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better and that has increased my overall happiness by a significant amount.

How I'm Getting What I want

After all of this talk, it becomes a rather simple equation. If most of our lives are spent in the lulls between peaks and valleys and we decide to enjoy those lulls, then we get to enjoy more of our lives. That's why now that I have this appreciation for the in-between times that I am clamoring for them more than ever. I relish the time I get to spend driving around with my friends from out of town. I actively enjoy those little moments spent with my family during breakfast or while getting ready for dinner. Yes, I love a big concert night out with my friends, those are big peaks for me, but just as much am I trying to enjoy listening to new music Friday while sitting on the couch.

This applies to my relationship as well. There was a time when I would roll my eyes at advising my girlfriend on the outfits she would pick out while getting ready to leave the house. Now, that time is sacred. I get to spend time doing something that I choose to view as fun and learn a bit more about how she sees the world.

I am by no means perfect, but this reframing has helped me see the beauty of every day and has made me much happier overall and I would encourage anyone who would listen to me to try it out for a week or so and see what you think.

If this is something you've thought about at all or are thinking about shifting to, drop me a line. I would love to hear if you think this mindset is transferrable.

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