The Action Sports Way of Speaking

As a 26-year-old adult, I am a part of a number of subcultures. I see a lot of live music. I have various outdoor interests. I read certain books, listen to certain podcasts, watch certain movies, and generally have interests that are not so specific that I’m the only one with them. Without a doubt, each of these interests has its own language and communication style, but my favorite, and seemingly most consistent, is that of the action sports world.

When I say “Action sports” what I’m referring to is the world of skiers/snowboards and now that I live in Venice (I moved if you didn’t hear) surfers.

I was out surfing the other day and heard an exchange between two of the locals who seemed to be surfing the Venice pier break frequently and what I heard reminded me vividly of the way I speak to my friends while skiing. These two were going back and forth talking about friends who were traveling to surf other locations, their best days on the water, and how each wave that they caught, or didn’t catch, rated respectively. Whether it was a right or a left coming in and what they did wrong or right (other type of right) on their last attempt. This type of very contextual type of conversation builds friendships deceptively quickly. You may think this is only on the surface, but some of my favorite people on the planet are those who I only ski with.

As I heard those two speaking out on the water, I realized that there seem to be consistent themes and topics of conversation that come up either with strangers or your friends when you’re out skiing or surfing. So below, I listed some of the archetypes of interactions that you might hear, or be a part of. I’ve outlined how they are brought up, some sample dialog to help you recognize them, a handy indicator on whether you want to get involved with the discussion at all, and the yield or value you can expect to gain from engaging.

Yes, Eric finally wrote a listicle. If you know another way to format a piece like this, you let me know and I’ll rewrite it.

Without further ado, my submission to be a writer for Buzzfeed:

The Weather Chat:

When is it brought up?

When you make awkward (or not awkward) eye contact with a stranger and don’t want to ask about anything personal, so you talk about the situation-specific weather, aka the conditions. How the waves are or how the snow coverage is that day.

Sample dialog:

Random Person making you squirm under his gaze on a chairlift, “Saw some snow supposed to come in this week, won’t that be nice?"

You, “Uhh yeah! We could use that out here, its pretty bare in the trees” .. *Turns music up and looks the other way*

Should you insert yourself?

Did you look up the weather this morning? If yes, then no need. Just say “oh yeah, that’s good news” and move on with your life. If no, then ask what the forecast is, thus saving yourself a google later in the day.

Interaction yield:

Low. Low investment into these conversations and therefore low return. At most, you save yourself a google, but at worst you have a short conversation and you’re stuck on the chairlift or waiting for a wave awkwardly without anything to say. Staring at each other. Then awkwardly looking another direction. Then, if possible, a head nod and a dip out to somewhere not near that stranger.

The “Give me your life story” Prompt:

When is it brought up?

Oftentimes on the chairlift, the weather guy, after receiving a short response to his quip on the conditions, will transition into the question, “So what do you do for work?” This person will also be the guy who wants to have a full conversation with a stranger on an airplane. My dad is this guy.

Sample Dialog:

Random Stranger, “So, where are you out here from?"

You: “Just up from Castle Rock"

Him: “That’s cool! I myself am from Dallas. Me and the family just drove up here on Friday. We come out here twice a year to Breckinridge. Man! You guys are lucky to live in such a beautiful state. I would move out here but, you know, the job is down in Dallas.” Etc etc etc…

Should you insert yourself?

I prefer not to engage with these people, but you have to live your own life. I know these people generally mean no harm and just want to have a conversation, but that kind of banal, rehearsed “chit chat” wears me out. This is a “do as you please, if the spirit moves you” kind of recommendation.

Yield:

Low to high. There are some SUPER interesting people who start conversations to ask about you so once in a blue moon you can meet someone with an insane story. More often than not, you exchange some banal stories about your hometown and his experience driving up from Texas and you count seconds until you can slip off the lift as soon as your skis hit the snow. Wide range of possibilities here.

The “What’s she/he up to?” Eavesdrop

When is it brought up?

Usually, this one comes up when a couple of buddies only interact while in their given activity. This creates a sort of “Perpetual Catchup” that you are now listening in on because you happen to be next to those people in the ocean or while on the slopes.

Sample Dialog:

Bro 1, “What’s Monica up to these days"

Bro 2, “Awh man, she busted her knee dropping the cliff on chair 3 and has been stuck in Denver ever since."

Bro 1, “Bummer dude"

Bro 2, “Yeah dude"

Should you insert yourself?

Nope. Definitely not. Please tell me you aren’t considering it. If you don’t know the people who are talking or the people who they are talking about why would you even ask this question? At best you get a questioning glare from two strangers. At worst someone comes over and brashly asks you “Was I talking you, bro?” Slim chance you are able to slide into the role of Bro #3.

Yield:

If you stay clear to avoid being called out for eavesdropping, you can hear some very interesting nuggets of information, about people you don’t know. If you enjoy gossip about random human beings then from experience I can tell you that there are salacious details shared while out on the water or on the hill. I’ve shared some crazy shit I would not talk about in front of most strangers, simply because I know the other person probably isn’t listening, or if they are, they don’t have enough context to do anything with the information.

The Coaching Tips:

When is it brought up?

When you look like a jerry or a kook (skiing and surfing terms for a novice) and a friendly experienced rider wants to lend a hand. This can go one of two ways. Either extremely condescending or very helpful. There are those old heads who really know what they’re talking about and want to help out. Or, there are those guys who think it’s their responsibility to instruct everyone in their proximity how they should be doing the activity that everyone around them voluntarily chose to do. There is little middle ground for this type of interaction.

Sample Dialog:

Condescending Texan, “Hey dude, when you pizza’d right there, yeah, that would have been a really good time to French fry"

Me, “Hey man, you can fuck right off I’ve been skiing for 20 years"

Should you insert yourself?

You likely won’t have a choice in the matter. If you actually need advice or can stand to learn from someone (e.g. me out in the water last week), you should engage and get educated. If you know what you’re doing and don’t want to be bothered, a good response is “thanks man/woman, I’m good”

As I think about it, “Thanks woman, I’m good” would probably be quite strange to say out loud. You’re better off avoiding that phrasing

Yield:

Varies wildly. You can get some great local tips when you listen to people who live their lives in your chosen area. You can also pump up the egos of some serious douche nozzles, so tread lightly for the experience of the rest of us.

The “Shit head teenager" Chirp

When is it brought up?

When there is a shithead teen or crew of teens around. This can either be brought on yourself by messing up or crashing around some high schoolers or just be a classic wrong place, wrong time type of situation. Either way, you have to steel yourself for this once you see them hanging around. It will always hurt more than it should and it will usually make you want to commit a felony (assaulting a minor).

Sample Dialog

High School Shit Head, “Yo dude if you don’t know how to surf your shouldn’t be out here!"

Ahmad, “What did you say??”

Should you insert yourself?

No. Avoid at all costs. If you hear the teens coming towards you, getaway. They are going to be better at whatever you are doing, and downright mean if they do open their mouths.

Yield:

Lowest of lows. Best case you escaped unnoticed. Worst case you get a tongue lashing and it takes your ego days to recover.

The “Don’t talk to me” Nod:

When is it brought up?

Almost always. This is a classic

Sample Dialog:

None

Should you insert yourself?

No need. The interaction is over the second it begins.

Yield:

Very high. We love these ones. Zero need to engage and everyone minds their own damn business.

Thank you for joining our inaugural listicle. If you think I’m missing any classic interactions, please feel free to drop me a comment or an email, I’d love to hear about your experiences. If you think I should be paid to write these, please send [email protected] an email have them reach out to me.

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